Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Fat Girls Are A Man's Best Friend

Anyone who knows me....knows that I have always had a bunch of close male friends. Ever since I was a little girl, members of the male species have always wanted to be my BEST FRIEND. Obviously there's something about me that all men love, and I think I've figured it out.....they love my FAT!!!

Come men all know you have one!!! The fat girl who you hang out with all the time, confide in her about your insecurities and fears, invite her over for quality friendship time. Sometimes she'll even spend the love to cuddle and feel the jiggly warmth of her fat rolls. And, oh my God...she actually has titties.....big ones....pretty ones....but that's just "your girl"....your "best friend", right?

She's funny, extremely intelligent and you love her! You probably even secretly want to sleep with her, but you can't...she's fat!! Not only will your boys clown you, but you know that if you had to choose one extreme, it is more important to be miserable and bored with a chick with a banging body than it is to be fulfilled and happy with a fat chick!! Plus, you can always have the skinny chick as wifey and keep the fat girl as the "best friend" because your girlfriend would never think you would cheat on her with the Big Girl!! Even though deep in her heart, your girlfriend knows that you love and respect the fat girl in ways that she will never receive..she doesn't mind because after all she's the catch!!!

Recently, a wife of one of my "best male friends" called me to see how comedy was going for me. I told her that I was trying to lose weight and she said "Girl, you ain't hanging around my husband when you lose weight. He loves you too much...and if you get "thick" I know I'm out of the picture!"

Now, I know she was just kidding...but it did make me think...while my weight has been a burden in some has also made people feel "safe." Will losing weight mean that I will also lose the coveted position of being every man's FAT BEST FRIEND?

DANGER!!! BEWARE !! All men watch out for the shrinking fat may actually fall in love!!!

Anyway, after years of being the surrogate fat girlfriend for a bunch of guys that secretly love me, but won't date would think that I would be bitter, but I am not!! Actually I feel blessed because I have become an expert on men and relationships. See, I get to know the inner workings of men in ways that no skinny chick ever will. Men tell me everything!!! Even things that their boys will never know about them, they tell me. From my close male friends that work on wall street or play professional sports all the way to my home boy that works in construction, I have the heart of men. I may not get the sex, but I get their respect and love, which many times is more than the women that come and go in their lives ever will.

As a joke, a friend of mine forwarded me an ad on Craigslist. A guy, who is shy and not able to meet women, wanted a BBW to be his wing-man! He actually put up an AD asking for an attractive full-figured woman to go with him to bars and help him meet woman. Ofcourse I could not resist applying for the job! Not because I was really interested, but because I wanted to know why he wanted a fat best female friend.

He told me that full-figured women are much more easy going. He is a former college athlete, who plays ball overseas and he was tired of model chicks because they were high maintanance. He said he enjoyed the company of big girls, and that skinny women also like having big girls as friends because they are less threatening.
So I asked him "If you like the personality of a BBW, how about you put up an AD to date one?"
He responded "Damn, I never thought of that!"

GO FIGURE! (no pun intended!)

I recenlty started attending a fitness bootcamp with a wonderful trainer named Aja Davis ( One day while running around the gym, I realized that I have the possibility to lose more than just weight. It's not just the size of my waist that will relationships...and the way people relate to me will change as well!!!I love all of my male friends....I've been one of the boys so long that I don't know how to be anything else. What will I do if losing weight also means losing the place I have in my boys their hearts.....Am I ready for that....?

Now, don't get me wrong....plenty of men like BIG GIRLS....and I meet them all the it's not like I've been some ugly duckling that gets no play. And even though most of my close male friends say they are not attracted to BIG GIRLS, many of them have found themselves being attracted to my mind and spirit...and eventually attraction to my body followed....but my weight still held them back...I know it!! So this time..the questions is not "can men and women be friends?"...but instead....Can men and former fat girls stay friends ? We shall see.......I haven't lost any male friends yet...but I did lose 5 more pounds! Thank u AJA DAVIS!!!

**And before wives start calling me...this issue does not apply to my TRUE BLUE male friends that love me like a sister. But the ones it does apply to know who they are...they are constantly offering to buy me a treadmill for my b-day!!

**And also, before you write me saying "I am a big girl, and men love to date me" I GET IT!! I date all the time, and have plenty of male fans! But this blog entry is about the guy who is afraid to go there!!! Not the ones that go there all of the time (if you know what I mean)!

Love & Laughter,
Erica Watson