Thursday, June 4, 2009

Dream Team: Every Single Girl Needs One

Have you ever had a friend that is always single, she ain't never in a relationship, but for some reason her lonely, bitter ass can always come and tell you how to run yours?

Well, I am that Bitch!

But the thing is, I GIVE GREAT ADVICE. Why? Because I am Every Guy's Best Friend. I wrote in a previous post called
"Fat Girl's Are A Man's Best Friend" that after years of being cool with every guy on the planet, I have been given the pleasure of learning the inner-workings of men. See, many women only interact with men they have intimate relationships with, or men they want to have an intimate relationship with in the future. Most of my girls do not have the advantage of having a strictly platonic best male friend. Well, I have too many of them. Maybe it's because my weight has allowed a great deal of men to love me without being attracted to me (so they said), or maybe it's because I am just a cool ass chick. Nevertheless I am so happy that I KNOW men. In all honestly, men are really not that complicated.

Give Him Love, Loyalty & Respect
Give Him Head & Amazing Sex
Give Him A Great Meal
Give Him Space

See.... that's easy, right? WRONG! The hardest part for many women is the idea of "space". But this could easily be corrected if women took the time and made space for more than one man in their life.

I've recently come to a startling conclusion. Most women DO NOT know how to date! Especially black women. Now, before you get an attitude, hear me out.

So many women meet a guy, like him, have sex with him (too soon) then a month later ask him "where is this going?" They get caught up into one guy without really taking the time to explore all of their options. There are so many beautiful men in the world (and ugly ones with money). Why do so many women LIMIT themselves to One Guy? It's cool to want a serious, committed, monogamous relationship. Ultimately I want one of those too. But in the meantime, why not have FUN with a bunch of different guys? What is so wrong with dating multiple men?

In my opinion, all SINGLE women should be dating at least 5 guys at a time. Its does not matter if you are beautiful, ugly, short, fat, skinny, tall. All women are sexy to SOMEBODY! Now, find 4 more and you are on your way!

Let's be clear...I said DATE! I do not mean go out and start sleeping with 5 different guys (only a hoe like me can pull that off). In my opinion, dating is when two people spend time together, doing a range of activities that allow them to get to know each other over a period of time--possibly to begin a romantic relationship. It is clear that you two may want to be more than friends, so you DATE to see if you want to make that happen.

The NBA FINALS have inspired me! This summer I am putting together my DREAM TEAM. Every single girl needs one! Personally, I am putting together a Championship Team...a wonderful group of 5 men that will occupy my time! A Championship team has players that know their individual roles and do their jobs without trying to do other people's jobs. As the coach it is my responsibility to make sure that these guys understand their purpose. Phil Jackson has won 9 championships, and I have learned a lot from him over the years. Below is my STARTING FIVE. It's up to each woman to put her own team together.


Small Forward
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The Corporate Dude
NBA Inspiration: LaBron James

For my Franchise Player, I have chosen a white collar, "corporate dude" to be my small forward. He is an all around player. He can score, he can pass, and he can rebound. Out of all of the men I am dating, his resume is the most impressive. The thing is, he is in high demand. He's young, black, successful, extremely attractive, well educated, and cultured----the perfect guy to build my team around. Unfortunately, he is aware that he is a "good catch" and will use it to his advantage. Like most Franchise players, my "corporate dude" knows his value. He is a "prima-dona" and will most certainly demand a good contract on the open market. It is also hard to re-sign him when he becomes a free agent. A franchise player has the confidence that he will probably not be traded or released, which can make dating him difficult. But, as long as he is aware that there is always a new young recruit coming to take his spot, he should be cool. Also, I will make sure that I am HIS Franchise player on the team that he is building, because trust me, his has one.

Shooting Guard
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Young Tender

NBA Inspiration: Dewayne Wade, Kobe Bryant, Allen Iverson

He shoots. He scores. He's Young & Tender. Call me a Cougar, Call me a Puma, call me whatever you want ---but ALL single women should have a younger man on the team. He Shoots: Young Tender is fun, he's exciting, he's baggage free and he is not intimidated by your success. He Scores: The Sex with Young Tender is amazing, and what he does not know, he is more than willing to learn. There's no waiting for him to get it back up....it's on multiple times in one night! And another plus is that he can keep you occupied sexually so that you are not tempted to give it up to other members on the team too fast.



Center
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Sugar Daddy
NBA Inspiration: Joakim Noah

When it comes to basketball, you can't coach height...which means we all know that the only reason why some guys get in the league is because they are tall as hell. Same for the Sugar Daddy---you mess with him for one reason only..he has money and loves to spend it. As the Center, a Sugar Daddy is low maintenance....you do not have to run plays for him or give him the ball too much. But he will rebound, contribute by playing defense and getting the hustle points and second chance points. If a bill needs to be paid, or my car needs new tires, Sugar Daddy will come to the rescue. I would never ask him to shoot any "free throws' but yes to a jump ball! My Sugar Daddy is the foundation and anchor for the team. He keeps me financially happy!

Power Forward

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The Blue Collar Dude aka The Basic N*gga
NBA Inspiration: Kevin Garnett

He is a hard hat/lunch bucket kind of guy. He comes to work everyday, gives you a solid effort---he is going to put in the work and not complain. The Blue Collar guy gets rebounds, he plays defense....not flashy... just an all around working guy. I love this guy because he is also great for things that I call "man jobs". He takes out the garbage, he fixes things around the house, takes you car in to get service, screams on you if you do not get an oil change. He's a real man! He works so hard that you love to cook him an amazing meal. Now, a Fed-Ex guy is great for this position, but this summer I will go for a police officer. Every single chick should have a police officer in her city that she can call anytime she needs to be "served and protected!". Many of you may even chose this guy to be your Franchise Player, because he is sure to retire with a pension and good benefits. But sometimes this guy is not as "culturally" aware as the corporate dude, therefore I will keep him as a back-up plan. Also for clarification, if a guy does not have a checking account and prefers to go to the "check cashing place", he then becomes a Basic N*gga!

Point Guard
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Intellectual Thug
NBA Inspiration: Derrick Rose (First Draft Pick & Rookie of the Year)

I love Smart Men. I also love Thugs. It's hard to find a guy with a perfect mix, but when I do, he will be my Point Guard. Ultimately I want to settle down with a guy that can run a boardroom as well as navigate the streets. The Point Guard is my main focus and out of all the guys, has the most potential to become my boyfriend. His job is to set the tempo for the game, bring the ball up the floor, get other players involved, distribute the ball and get scoring opportunities for the team. Sometimes he scores, but no matter what he must keep the ball safe and not turn it over. He must totally understand his coach's game plan. Seeing that Point guards are usually evaluated more on their assists ,than on their individual scoring-----if he can not get the job done his behavior will get the ball to the teammate who is in the best position to score. At the same time, if he plays well, in the long run there will be no need for a team because I will settle down with him, but until then, let the games begin!


Now we can't forget about the bench!

6th Man

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Street Hustler or "Hood Rat with a Big D*ck" (yes, men are rats too)
NBA Inspiration: Steve Kerr

This guy is a one trick Pony. His role is to come off the bench when you need to change the game and score in a hurry. You can not count on him for anything else but to do what he does.


7th Man
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White Guy

NBA Inspiration: Tim Duncan

He's a solid hall of fame type player and has all the skills and abilities. Unfortunately, people do not like him or enjoy watching him play because he is so basic and fundamental----that he is a boring!

6 comments:

supersize spanishfly said...

Girl,only five?...lol...po po is a no,no but blue collar,SUGAR DADDY and young blood can get it...love this blog..will pass it on

Miss.Stefanie said...

Great post!!

South Loop Social Light said...

I absolutely LOVE this post!! You are right on point. I must re-post this immediately.

Ms. LMC said...

YES!!
Gotta have a great team with you at the helm with the whistle, I really think that some women don't know how to date and just concentrate on one guy crossing their fingers that he wants to be exclusive. Having a team is a great way to sift through what you really want when you're ready for just one!

Great Post!

E's said...

Damn, that was pretty funny. Honestly you give great advice. Great advice. Women should diversify their holdings. Actually, I don't like being the only man she's talking to - "let me breathe a little". LOL.

I like this blog. Hopefully you don't mind a man peeking in from time to time. LOL

Selah said...

LOL!! Yea this was good. Clearly I need to step my game up. lol